disbelief

It's almost here.

The day we've all seen coming but never thought would arrive.

These are the feelings I had a year ago today and am now experiencing again.

Can it be that Max is going to be a year old already? I can't stop thinking about a quote that I recently heard. "The reason we have children is so we can have our hearts broken."

To avoid confusion, let me just say that I am bubbling over with excitement at this 1 year mark! Max is taking more unprompted steps every other minute and his vigorous nodding up and down is to die for. No other laugh thrills me more than his and the infrequent but precious moments - where he lays his head on my shoulder - melt my heart.

But let's be honest, I already don't want him to grow up! He got his first 12-month molar for Pete's sake! The next thing I know, he'll be bringing home a form to sign up for tee ball.

Mostly, my heart breaks as Max depends on me less and less. It's a necessary thing though and, while my heart is breaking, I am still happy and proud. Each extra five minutes spent in independent playtime give me a sense of freedom and hope for the years to come. Then a second later a little achiness strikes when I realize he didn't need me for those five minutes.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. He's still my under 12 month old until 4:21 a.m.

That's when I can have my melt down.