thoughts and tots

Please forgive my latest blogging fast! I wish I could say that I've just been so wholly invested in Lent that I haven't even taken a peek at my computer. But that would be a lie, dear friends. I have been enjoying Lent, however, and the little opportunities that it's provided me for growth. I won't go on and on because, Lord knows, I'm no spiritual writer, but I did want to share something that a priest said tonight at church. He quoted a woman he knew who said that when her husband held her lovingly in his arms she felt called to conversion.

Conversion?

Don't we normally feel warm fuzzies and lovey dovey thoughts?

He went on and explained that when we experience unconditional love we are, first, aware of our faults and then feel called to action. How can I possibly pay back this love that I so often don't deserve? I know that I've experienced that conflicted feeling myself several times. I've experienced it as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, and as a friend. This is the feeling where you are so moved by your own unworthiness and the other's intense love that you must do something about it. We have been so strongly influenced by a society that discourages us from remorse and guilt, that recognizing that feeling for what it means can be difficult.

But that woman got it right. It means that we are called to conversion.

When Max looks up at me across the room and crawls as fast as he can to close the distance between us, I feel called to conversion. What on EARTH did I do to deserve this total love? I guess you could get overwhelmed with thoughts of how you don't deserve it but the point of conversion is not to dwell on the offense, the unworthiness, the guilt, etc. The point of conversion is to recognize our shortcomings and resolve to move ahead with Christ's help (a very key point). In the grand scheme of things, we can't expect to arrive at deservedness but our effort is all that has ever been asked of us.

There are dozens of examples, at least in my life, of how I don't deserve the kind of love I'm shown. I was a rotten and d-r-a-m-a-tic teenager and don't know how my parents didn't give up on me yeeears ago.  However, I'm inspired by their love for me and feel compelled to fill their lives with joy to repay them. None of this is in any way coming from a place of forced action but of a sincere hope to demonstrate to them the lasting effect their love had and has made on me.

And because I feel like I've shared enough personal examples I'll only mention briefly that to my husband I am forever in debt. Again, there is no bitterness in that awareness only hope and motivation. There is hope because we are sacramentally committed to one another. And there is motivation because he is forgiving and his love is true.

I pray that the next time I feel the pangs of remorse mixed with the sweetness of love, I am moved not to hardness of heart but to love more fully. May you experience it as well.

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And here I said I wasn't going to go on. Apparently my flying fingers on the keyboard had other plans. :)
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So if you've hung on for this long, here's some news in the Umbehr world. Maxipoo (is it bad that we call him that? Does it mean maximum poop......oh well) took two solid steps toward Daddy today. Normally, I don't let him get past one step without scooping his precious pants off the floor and planting a big kiss on his chubby cheeks! I just get so excited to see him advancing!

Luckily, we're reaching his big ONE year mark! I say luckily because we've been driving forward facing (GASP!) illegally for about 3 months now. I wish I could say I'm sorry but I'm not. He loves it and my motto of vehicular mothering is, "indulge always."You've got to break some rules when you're Mother of the Year!