About 5 minutes ago, Max was screaming like I've never heard him scream before.
I changed his diaper. He kicked and tried to roll away.
I nursed him. He'd start crying seconds later.
I tried to cradle him and rock him. He'd arch his back.
I sang him songs and stroked his face. He screamed louder and pushed my hand away.
I gave him his pacifier. He yanked it out.
I put Oragel on his gums. He drooled and spit and kept crying.
I even took off his clothes to see if there was a cut on him or something hurting him. I didn't find a thing.
Nothing, no nothing, would calm him.
After exhausting literally ev-er-y-thing I could think to help my absolutely inconsolable baby, I laid him down at the top of our bed, covered him with the blankets and laid down on the opposite end. As I listened to his screams and watched his little feet kick in agony, my heart hurt. This has honestly never happened to me--where I can do nothing to soothe him. All of a sudden, I had an epiphany. This is the daily experience God has with his children.
He holds us and tries to show us the way to real happiness and peace but we arch our backs and kick and scream, insisting that we know better. Eventually, he steps aside to let us work it out. He does not force us to submit to him. He continues to stand by us even though we don't think or know that he's there. And finally, after we've exhausted ourselves, looking in every direction but his for the solution to our pain, he sees that we are ready for him at last. Then he comes to us, picks us up in his loving arms, and heals us as only a parent's love can do.
My scenario played out a little differently. Max kept crying and kicking but I picked him back up after a while and his tired baby body just sank into my arms. I thanked God for his patience with me in all my moments of pride and resistance to his will. Then I let my son rest and I relaxed with the knowledge that even though I may not always be the perfect mother to Max, his heavenly Father will always be there ready for him in times of joy and suffering.
I can't believe how wise you are. :) Truly an inspiration to mothers.
ReplyDeleteI agree incredibly wise! Every chance I get I share 'it's not what happens to you, it's what you do about it.' You figured out that at times...really puzzling times...only God has the answers.
ReplyDeleteOne time long ago...our son wouldn't stop crying in the car as we were waiting to pick up my first grader from school. I woke him from his nap. I tried my best to console him and nothing worked. I was so VERY imbarrased and the two mothers parked in the cars on each side of us rolled up their windows. No, I didn't know them personally. I just remember when sister climbed into the car...he stopped crying. I think he just wanted his sister.
In life there are so MANY, MANY things out of our control. Don't you think patience is both a virtue and a gift?
Thank you for sharing your insight inspiring both mothers and this Grand ma ma. Yes, God is always there.